Alex

"So, when do I meet your Mother?"
I almost choked on my filet mignon.
Alex was eager to make the acquaintance of my family after just a few weeks. I suppose it's a good thing because it shows that his intentions are pure. But as I sat there imagining the look on my Mother's face after introducing her to my 46 year old boyfriend, I burst into laughter. "What's so funny? Won't she like me?" Alex asked nervously.
I replied reassuringly, "Of course she will darling."
It's not as if she has a choice. My Mother pays little attention to my romantic life, after all I am a woman and it is none of her business.

My relationship with Alex is progressing at a steady pace, we've wined and dined at wonderful restaurants and have a generally lovely time all without sex involved; I haven't engaged in such a courtship since I was in highschool! He no longer irritates me(as much) because I try to calm his insecurities with soothing responses and compliment him on a regular basis, he appears to be more secure. He's great company although he seems quite eager to take things to the next level, physically. Frankly, I'm surprised he has resisted jumping my bones for this long.

Sometimes I wonder if that's what this is to him; a tryst with a 21 year old is great locker room material. How serious is he about me? I know I'm quite mature and a great catch but what does a 46 year old man want with a 21 year old?
I've come to the realization that I'm not interested in short term flings with filthy rich men. I'm much more interested in a satisfying long term relationship with someone I can grow to love. As a girlfriend I am extremely loyal and dedicated to my partner, the hard part is finding someone who deserves my trust.
From time to time he does mention future plans with me in mind which can slightly startle someone who has been terrified of commitment for most of her life. I also get the feeling he never settles for less than absolutely gorgeous women. Not to say that I'm devastatingly good looking, but the way he goes on, I have no doubt that I am.


PS: I know I would be a complete idiot for sending Gino a gift on his birthday, but the situation was a little more complicated than I let on. We had sex on a friday afternoon and the very same evening his bestfriend saw me out on the town with a couple of male friends and must have reported this to him. He didn't call me for a couple of days because he was testing me, trying to gage how much I liked him by my reaction.

I know this because I used to do the same thing and when I asked him bluntly he could not reply without stuttering. The last time I spoke to him he was still upset that I "made him stoop to calling me with his number blocked like some sort of highschool kid." In short I bruised his ego but I think he was scared that he felt so strongly for me after just a couple of weeks especially with the memories of his past failed relationships still fresh in his mind. Gino wasn't ready to make any sort of commitments to me, not even a phone call.

I was never needy in any way and I don't feel I did anything wrong therefore my conscience is clear. But it's hard for me to let this one go because the instant safety and peace I felt with him was incomparable. Even though he's a handful I can't help but wonder if he thinks about me, or if I was just another notch on his belt. Perhaps it's simply a case of me wanting what I can't have.