Duck Duck Goose

Sometimes, for self assessment purposes I ask my self "Am I happy?"
I feel satisfied but not completely, like there's something still missing.
I feel like shaking things up a bit and seeing where it all settles.

I had a date with Micheal on Friday night. I have always been truthful with him so I told him I was bored with our relationship. Although I feel like he's my best friend, we've hit a plateau and nothing is exciting anymore. He reacted by running outside nude, his logic being if that didn't excite or at the very least amuse me, nothing would. We were both drunk and I was amused.

On Saturday I saw Gino. It was a much anticipated evening that I had planned for the sole purpose of releasing my aggression.
I've always wanted to try BDSM, being so passive aggressive in my day to day life leaves me few opportunities to fully unleash, so when I do it can be frightening. Given our tumultuous past I decided the best way for me to get over being hurt by him(and possibly move on indefinitely) was to hurt him physically. I've thought about burning his car and house down but insurance covers that stuff and he'd upgrade. Retaining power during sexual roleplay by removing his sense of control was the second best option.
I went to his place after dinner with my family, during which we sent dirty texts back and forth. I gave him instructions to take a shower and be naked in his bed when I got there. And he was. I started kissing the droplets at the base of his neck and worked my way down, until I reach the plump crease at the base of his spine. The oh so lovely ass I've always admired. I spread his cheeks and dove in, rimming and darting my tongue in and out. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. But certainly not my favorite thing to do. I knew it would make his head spin and that was my motivation.
Once done, I bound his hands together with a black silk scarf.
"Turn over" I demanded. And he did.
I kissed his forehead, then his lips to give him a taste of his own ass.
I grabbed his nipples tightly and proceeded to give his the best blow job of his life. Alternating my lips on his dick with my finger in his ass I circled round and round until he moaned "I'm coming!". Then I took him all the way into my mouth and past my throat. I felt him come hard. My job was done. I asked if I could spend the night and left promptly at 7am.
Next time won't be so tame. I have all sorts of delicious pain in mind for him. He enjoyed being tied up so my assumption is that he will be open to more intense bdsm.

I suppose it's a possiblility that intimacy without deviances makes me uncomfortable. I can't maintain a straight relationship with Gino. I'm always thinking of more exciting sexual adventures to delve into with him. Maybe I'm just attracted to him sexually, because if there was an emotional bond I would want him to want me... Things are slightly confusing at the moment. Hormones perhaps? I'll write about him at a more lucid moment.