Friday, October 21, 2005

A Lost Post

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I wrote this entry before the August 31st entry, but apparently forgot to post it.

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August 8th, 2005

I made the mistake of contacting Gino.

Well it wasn't completely intentional.

A friend had a party at his restaurant and I texted him from our table. I pretty much felt obligated to say hello, since we were at his place.
So I did.

He was at a table with two girls that looked like street walkers. I know he's opening up a strip club so I assumed they were new employees. Until one of them whispered in his ear and asked him for something, to which he said "no". To me it looked as if they had an intimate relationship, maybe I was wrong. She bounced up against him and begged for whatever it was that she wanted. He said "no" once more.
Then he saw me.
He stood up and gave me a big hug.
"Hey Tiff, you look absolutely gorgeous! How have you been?"
"I've been great! Just started a new job and..."
His companion interrupted "Can we go to Boston, pleeeaaasseee?!"
Boston is the name of his new restaurant, apparently she wanted to go.
"No" he said calmly and resturned to our conversation.
"Well the other restaurant is open now and I've been working like dog, I've been here since 8am."
"That's nuts" I said, "don't work too hard, I just came to say hi."
He gave me another bear hug.
"Give me a call later"
"Later?" I asked, it was 1 in the morning.
"You know what I mean."
"Ok, I'll give you a call when I get back into town." My flight to New York was leaving later that morning and I had no intention of calling him.
"Cool, and stop by Boston whenever you get a chance."
"I'll do that" I had no intention of stopping by.
Then I walked back to my table.
Although brief, the encounter reaffirmed my feelings for him, and I haven't been able to get him out of my head since. I was doing so well!! I'm a bit disappointed at myself, I thought I was completely over him but I guess not. Since we stopped dating things have gotten a bit messy. For one, a friend of mine came into town and had her way with a few of Gino's good friends. Now I'm forever linked to that and I wonder if the story has been exaggerated and worse if I've been associated with the entire fiasco. Then there's that guy I dated, who took me out just because I was seeing Gino, sometimes I wonder if Gino heard I was dating that guy and decided not to call for that reason.
In either case I'm day dreaming about him way too much again, the way he finger fucks my ass when I'm about to come...
I even thought about cruising the parking lot of his restaurant to see if his car was there. Am I turning into a stalker?

I want to taste myself all over his mouth and kiss my scent off his lips.
I'm noticing a trend. I crave him when I'm not having sex with anyone else.
I have a self destructive addictive personality. I tend to push my limits and develop unhealthy vices. Like Gino.

Perhaps we were meant to have many loves, and lovers, over the span of our lifetime. We're meant to dable in human emotion, make mistakes, fix them and leave them behind. We're meant to come in contact with multiple human beings at the same time or at different occasions. A golden anniversary is not living, it's a pre-funeral.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

I Don't Know What I Want

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The journey is fun but I'm going nowhere fast.
Today I tried to think of things that made me happy and I had a difficult time doing so.
I came up with; candles, sweets, shiny things, summer, sex and a few other tangibles.
What do I want?
I don't know.
From a man, from a friend, from a career, from life, I'm clueless.
I have no short term goals and therefore NO FOCUS.
No wonder I'm floundering. I need to figure out how I'm going to get to where I want to go.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Crush

3 comments
Desire.

I blush when she catches me starring at her.
She's beautiful.
5'2 with blue eyes and mousy brown hair in a ponytail.
I lean in to catch her scent every time she comes close.

My plan is to seduce her. I'll invite her over to study sometime... I cant wait to kiss her neck.

I think she might be into me.
I've caught her starring too.