Monday, November 08, 2010

UPDATE: Sugardaddies and etc.

"All young ladies of spunk and massive intellect sample life with a rich codger-it's a rite of passage.
-- E. Jean, courtesy of Yeva SB

From SF Sugarbaby's Facebook.  I loved this quote so much I had to borrow it, hope you don't mind ;) 

For those who haven't befriended me on Facebook (I'm a lot more active there), here's a little update on a few men that have courted me in the past few months.

Mr. Coffee Shop:  We met unexpectedly at a local coffee shop (hence the name, très creative I know).  He was on the prowl, I had my head low and blinders on while working on a major project.  He slid into the seat next to me, made a smooth introduction and departed with his card in my hand.  Subsequently, we've met on several occasions. I'm not physically attracted to him but I find our chats engaging.  He could teach me a lot.  Recently I decided I wanted an arrangement with him, I dismissed his advances in the past but I've warmed up.  But alas, time, that fickle creature was not on my side.  He is currently knee deep in family issues and promised to get in touch in the near future.  Which he will, I'm sure.

Luigi:  The man who gifted me an iPhone the first time we met.  I enjoyed spending time with him but there's a language barrier.  After many lunches and dinners that felt like English tutoring lessons my interest waned.  Eventually I stopped returning his calls.  Out of nowhere he contacted me recently requesting a lunch date.  I obliged.  It was more of the same, constantly pausing to restructure his sentences in a way that is familiar to me.  So draining! He insists his English has gotten better, it is me that makes him so tongue tied.  As we were wrapping up our lunch date he requested my presence at dinner later that evening.  I was taken aback.  On one hand I'm flattered by his eagerness but it's a bit much.  A bright red stalker-status flag went up as I politely declined.  He's very aware of my needs, I've been explicit with him on numerous occasions - "if you want to continue to see me, I need some financial assistant."  But I don't think he gets it and probably never will.

Mr. Forbes:  The wealthiest man that has ever pursued me.  Initially, my feelings for him were strong, we have a lot in common and got close quickly.  Over time I came to realize he loved his freedom much more.  He keeps company with a stable of women ready to do as he wishes at the drop of a pin.  Though he has many qualities I admire, he isn't the one for me.  I'm just glad I didn't fuck him.

My work is taking up most of my time but in the upcoming months I'll be attending private parties, volunteering at local fundraisers and actively looking for my next Sugar Daddy.  Happy hunting!

Thursday, November 04, 2010

Now and Then


Sometimes I read my past posts and revel at my naiveté.  I was so young and went through so many men!   This blog is a gift to myself.  Maybe one day it will be a book but I feel lucky to have documented my growth.

When I began this journey… I was very young and fresh, unsure of where I would land.  I was trying to figure out many things but I knew I wanted something grand.  Then, it was a man, one that could support me completely and lavish me with expensive things.  That was ultimate nirvana to me.  I was in school and although that was paid in full by my parents luxuries were hard to come by, so was freedom.  I yearned for freedom.  Being the wild child that I was, I found a way to be free, in way… through men.  Only now as I look back do I see a pattern of choosing unavailable men, specifically married men.  They really are the easiest sugar daddies.  Married men have another full and demanding life completely separate from me.  When we meet our interaction is meant to be light hearted fun, no heavy bullshit.  I love that, it makes me happy to know I am blessing someone’s life with love and positive energy and no bullshit.  In turn my bills are paid and I live in luxury.  Until it ends, as it always does.

Now…  I am a woman, a captain of my own ship.  I am completely in charge of any destiny I want to create and I am very aware of that.  The majority of my time is spent pursuing my dreams, independent of wealthy men.  Although I use my sexuality for personal gain in different way, I no longer chase accomplished men, they gravitate to me when I’m not looking and I usually turn them down.  I feel freer than I’ve ever felt, I feel in control.  Perhaps that’s what they admire, a woman who knows who she is and is unwilling to settle for less than she’s worth.   In these days of nsa relationships and pay for play arrangements that must be rare.

Thank you for the comments of concern about my last relationship.  It was a difficult time.  I wrote that post a while ago but only chose to publish it recently, after all the residual emotional effect was gone.  I’ve since gone on trips with The Asshole of the Century and our relationship has changed drastically, I’ll be sure to give him a more fitting name in the future.  It was only after spending several nights with him, in separate beds of course, that I was sure I no longer harbored feelings for him.  Now I only feel basic human compassion with a twinge of pity for him. “Staying together for the kids” is a rough position to be in.  His life is devoid of unbridled passion, and certainly he can continue to pursue but he will never have complete freedom with a woman that he truly loves because of his obligations.  I understand it, which doesn’t make his lies and deceit acceptable, but it does make him more humane in my eyes.  I want to see him happy, I carry no ill-will towards him.  And I sincerely hope he has learned from his wrong doings.

He wasted two and a half years of my life and didn’t think twice about it. His selfish inclinations have upped my guard and compounded my fear of commitment but I’m working through it.  I strive to learn from all my experiences and he provided an important lesson.  Never question your intuition, as a woman ours are stronger for a reason.  If you feel it, you must react.  Do not delay.  And never, ever, trust a man completely.

Pain is part of life, we learn most from our greatest struggles.  Emotionally, this was my greatest accomplishment, being able to truly forgive, move on, and grow.