Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Kept Man

I think I've truly found what I was looking for.
The commitment and love I was searching about for, I gave to me.
I am committed to school, work, my career and my happiness. I love myself too and I feel much more comfortable in my skin. It's funny how this happens periodically, I search then I find and become more of myself. I love it. I don't need a man. I need money from a man and sex(sometimes) from a man. But a physical, emotional or psychological comfort is no longer a need. I feel so free and independent, as I should.
I went to see Johnny Depp in The Libertine the other night and absolutely adored it. I was delighted by the concept of a man who lived life completely on his own terms, of course there were consequences for his actions but what a life. I wonder in the end, if he had any regrets. Would you rather have a long safe and boring life or a teeth clenching, heart stopping roller coaster ride? I suppose regardless of the paths we choose, we'll always have our what ifs.

It seems I may be developing a drinking problem, almost every time I partake in the consumption of liquor I can never stop myself. So I have decided to drink only one day a week. Before I go out, "Three drink limit" I'll say to myself, but never abide. Bad things happen when I'm drunk. Well, not bad but not smart either.
Like calling Gino.
Yada yada yada, you know how it went. I called him, we made plans to get together, he called me two hours after he was supposed to be home. I met up with him anyway and we had great sex as usual. He slept downstairs, I slept upstairs. Whatever. I wanted him, now I have him. For the moment anyway, que sera.

My mother found the receipt for a book about escorting that I had ordered online, after I made the mistake of cleaning out my purse at her house. I do not live with her nor do I receive an allowance from her, nevertheless she has taken it upon herself to run my life. She was furious when she confronted me, waving the paper in my face and scowling. "What is this?" She asked, trying to maintain control of herself.
"It's just research" I replied, "I'm not actually planning to become an escort, just an avenue I was kind of considering..."
Then she threw a tantrum, accusing me of having no conscience for considering such a "filthy" occupation and made idle threats, hoping this verbal assault would be enough to dissuade me. I love my Mother dearly but refuse to let her alter my plans. I reassured her I had taken no steps to become a pro(which is mostly true) and she's backed off a bit.

While getting a manicure last week I couldn't help over hearing a conversation taking place. It was between an older couple in their early 60's. The wife said "I'm paying for your pedicure dear, you're a kept man."
The husband replied with laughter.
Isn't that cute? I thought it was.