Tuesday, April 26, 2005


Just as I was silently praising Alex for his ability to take a hint, he texts me,
twice. Something or the other about vacationing abroad and missing me.
That seems to be the theme of this month, I can no longer stand hearing my name and "I miss you" in the same sentence. I wish he'd leave me alone. I could have ignored the texts, but I texted back saying we should meet for coffee next week. We're going to have a chat about the demise of our relationship and I'm going to treat it like a bullet to the head, quick and painless.

I hung out with a very old friend of mine, PJ. He's best friends with Lucky and a raving coke head(not that it matters, just wanted to throw that out there). We spent the majority of the night talking about his recent ex. I saw pictures, the woman is stunning. But she tried very hard to change him, and was more like an emmasculating mother than a girlfriend. Anyway, somehow the conversation landed on me. He reflected on our friendship and how he felt he could always be himself with me. I told him I had a boyfriend so he wouldn't jump my bones, he can be quite the seductive devil. He said something about wanting to take things to another level, if I didn't have a boyfriend. Oy Vey! Soon I won't have any platonic male friends and then what will I do. We fooled around, he did lovely things with his tongue then I went home.

I'm in love with a man who doesn't express his emotions for he fears I'm a restless ghost.
And I have no doubt he would sacrifice my heart to save his own without thinking twice.
So we continue this painstaking dance,
him holding back and me falling in deeply,
careful not to step on each other's toes.
I hope this song will end soon. I'm so sick of dancing.

Thursday, April 21, 2005


It's hard for me to concentrate at times because I'm thinking of him, or how his dick fills me up completely to the point I'm in pain, but the good sort of pain that feels 100 times better the second after it has occurred. mmmmm
Because I have a rather healthy sexual appetite, we have sex as often as possible. His performance is always impressive, so much so that I'm tempted to ask how many women he's been with. Not that it matters, I'm just curious to know. We don't talk about that sort of thing like our pasts, we don't talk very much at all.

I'm developing an obsession, mostly because I'm unsure of his intentions towards me. I'm accustomed to men chasing me and clearly demonstrating their interest in me. Gino does neither, I feel like I'm begging for his attention every time I call him.
But I've got what I want, he's back in my life. Yes, the sex is phenomenal, but everything else is different. He doesn't trust me, he doesn't open up to me or give me any insight into him like he used to. He's holding back, perhaps he feels I won't stick around for long, after all it took me two months to gather up the balls to call him. We haven't talked about the circumstances surrounding the break up. Should I bring it up or wait for him to? I don't want to seem insecure by dredging up the past, but if we don't learn from our mistakes aren't we doomed to repeat them?

I saw Michael this past weekend. He had been asking me to visit him at school, so I did. He showed me around town and we had a lovely time. That is, until the underground posh bar he insisted we visit. After three glasses of champagne and two shots of tequila, Michael pleaded...
"Tiff, I never thought that our relationship would end, I always assumed you'd fill a void in some part of my life. I cannot explain to you how much I miss you, you will always be my girl."
I promptly excused myself from our table and ran to the bathroom to place a call to a friend. I ended up leaving a frantic message on her voicemail; "OH MY GOD! Michael wants to get back together! I came out here just to visit him and have a few drinks, but the way he's talking I'm expecting him to drop on one knee and propose! Call me back NOW!"
I got very sick immediately afterwards and I don't remember a thing, apparently he practically carried me back to his place where I threw up in his bed and on his floor, oops. In the morning after I woke up in his clothes he took me home and kissed me goodbye. Michael thinks I don't remember the conversation we had, and I'm glad for that.

Monday, April 18, 2005

Careful Careful

"Ring Ring Ring"
His phone rang thrice and cut to voicemail.
"Hello Gino, It's Tiff. Long time no see. Listen, I know that you have a busy schedule and I shouldn't have pestered you for not calling frequently. But I miss you. Call me back, let's talk."

Not 5 minutes later he called me.
"I miss you too, when can I see you?"
"I'll stop by right now"

I'm falling for him all over again.
It is not safe to love him so much. Of the few men I've fallen in love with, he is the most impulsive and likely to break my heart. But that's a risk I'm willing to take. I'll trade a broken heart for a few blissful moments, with him.

He hasn't called me in a few days. But I'm so busy that I simply don't care. And I know it's his way of "slowing" us down.

Lucky called me at 1:30 am last night, what a horny bastard. He'll have a heart attack when I tell him I'm dating Gino again.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Horrible Whore

I'm struggling with my feelings for Alex. Rather, why I don't have any feelings for him. He's good looking, successful and very accommodating. I should be all over him but yet, I find his baby talk and mushy gestures hard to stomach. I would make a horrible whore. And a good sugar baby would tend well to the man that could pamper her best. But is my discomfort worth it? Alex expects to talk to me at least 3 times a day and see me as often as possible. We haven't done anything more than heavy petting, mostly because he's intimidated by me (go figure) and he simply isn't very assertive. He is the exact opposite of the sort of man I go for. After reading this short article a while back, I thought I was an abandaholic.
Some of it may ring true but the fact is Alex and I have no chemistry unless there's lots of alcohol involved.
The man drains me mentally, he has no college education and sometimes doesn't understand words I say. Mama always told me "NEVER date a man without a college education, it will never work." She's absolutely right. Now that my goals have changed, I understand that Alex would make a wonderful sugardaddy but a horrendous boyfriend. He's too needy and tries unbelievably hard to appear "nice", which makes me wonder what he's hiding. When he talks about his previous relationships, he makes himself look like the victim, which I refuse to believe. Thirdly, he treats waitresses and other service people like complete shit. And you know what they say, you can tell the way a man's going to treat you by the way he asks for the check. Alex yells and snaps his fingers.

There's another speed bump in the road to Tiffany's happiness. Immediately before I began dating Gino, a good friend of mine told me he's had strong feelings for me for some time. Upon hearing this I was a little shocked but mostly amused.
Lucky is my dearest male friend he's the ultra-hip, laidback open minded European that I tend to fall for. Well, I was quite inebriated at the time and ended up giving his beautiful cock the best blowjob I think I have ever given. He calls me regularly, as he is a good friend, but I feel he's attempting to initiate round 2.
So if things don't work out the way I would like them to, there's always Lucky. He's actually quite successful and closer to my age than anyone I've dated in a while but he's looking to start a family and I'm... not.

Lately I've been thinking about Gino a lot. I won't send him a gift(too desperate) but I will call him sometime in the near future. I miss him just as much now, as I did a month ago. I miss his nose, and smile and face... I miss his voice and touch... and God I miss the way he ate my pussy, I could tell he loved me when he tongued me down. Visions of our sweat drenched bodies slamming against one another pop into my mind at the strangest times; when I'm eating, while I'm flirting with my professor. I just can't seem to get him out of my mind. It was the safety that did it, the way I felt comforted just by knowing he was there. There must be a reason I'm still thinking about a guy I broke up with two months ago and I'm determined to find out, but will my need for instant gratification(and a good fuck) take precedence over common sense?

Why can't I have all three? Alex for his big wallet, Lucky for his big dick and Gino for his big heart?

Or a nice thick vibrator.

Saturday, April 02, 2005


I had to disable my site for a few days after a nosy co-worker stumbled upon it. My apologies! I'm on my way out to a lunch date with Alex. He is growing on me gradually, this I am happy about because he is truly a good person. Although there are instances when I detect bullshit during our conversations and he tends to treat service people like crap, other than that, no complaints. I will delve into my concerns at a later time, gotta run!