Thursday, January 26, 2012

Men Are Like Boomerangs; They Always Come Back

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My darlings it's been far too long!  Since my last entry much has changed, I've been in communication with many of my Ex SDs and Pots.

Some of my relationships have changed drastically, others not so much.  As you know, my focus is strictly on what feeds my bottom line and out with what doesn't.

Gino Update:
I ran into Gino recently.  Much to my surprise, and yours I'm sure, he invited me to dinner.
Being the polite lady that I am, I obliged and joined him the next Friday for a meal and drinks.  The conversation that evening was remarkable.  Gino expressed regret for every slight he made towards me in the past.  Since I last saw him he's been once married and once divorced.  He relayed that he felt unprepared for a serious relationship when we were together.  Therein laid the explanation for his behavior.

Unfortunately, I am completely over Gino in every way a woman can be over a man.
He sends me presents.  Chocolates, flowers and exclusive invitations to show openings but I must not accept.  To do so would encourage him to have a dire misunderstanding of my intentions.

When I read my previous entries I feel completely disconnected.  Gino missed his chance entirely.  I can only hope never to make the same mistake.

Lesson:
Be in the moment.  Treasure what you have now, you may never get another chance to do so.

To be continued...

Monday, November 08, 2010

UPDATE: Sugardaddies and etc.

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"All young ladies of spunk and massive intellect sample life with a rich codger-it's a rite of passage.
-- E. Jean, courtesy of Yeva SB

From SF Sugarbaby's Facebook.  I loved this quote so much I had to borrow it, hope you don't mind ;) 


For those who haven't befriended me on Facebook (I'm a lot more active there), here's a little update on a few men that have courted me in the past few months.

Mr. Coffee Shop:  We met unexpectedly at a local coffee shop (hence the name, très creative I know).  He was on the prowl, I had my head low and blinders on while working on a major project.  He slid into the seat next to me, made a smooth introduction and departed with his card in my hand.  Subsequently, we've met on several occasions. I'm not physically attracted to him but I find our chats engaging.  He could teach me a lot.  Recently I decided I wanted an arrangement with him, I dismissed his advances in the past but I've warmed up.  But alas, time, that fickle creature was not on my side.  He is currently knee deep in family issues and promised to get in touch in the near future.  Which he will, I'm sure.

Luigi:  The man who gifted me an iPhone the first time we met.  I enjoyed spending time with him but there's a language barrier.  After many lunches and dinners that felt like English tutoring lessons my interest waned.  Eventually I stopped returning his calls.  Out of nowhere he contacted me recently requesting a lunch date.  I obliged.  It was more of the same, constantly pausing to restructure his sentences in a way that is familiar to me.  So draining! He insists his English has gotten better, it is me that makes him so tongue tied.  As we were wrapping up our lunch date he requested my presence at dinner later that evening.  I was taken aback.  On one hand I'm flattered by his eagerness but it's a bit much.  A bright red stalker-status flag went up as I politely declined.  He's very aware of my needs, I've been explicit with him on numerous occasions - "if you want to continue to see me, I need some financial assistant."  But I don't think he gets it and probably never will.

Mr. Forbes:  The wealthiest man that has ever pursued me.  Initially, my feelings for him were strong, we have a lot in common and got close quickly.  Over time I came to realize he loved his freedom much more.  He keeps company with a stable of women ready to do as he wishes at the drop of a pin.  Though he has many qualities I admire, he isn't the one for me.  I'm just glad I didn't fuck him.

My work is taking up most of my time but in the upcoming months I'll be attending private parties, volunteering at local fundraisers and actively looking for my next Sugar Daddy.  Happy hunting!

Thursday, November 04, 2010

Now and Then

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Sometimes I read my past posts and revel at my naiveté.  I was so young and went through so many men!   This blog is a gift to myself.  Maybe one day it will be a book but I feel lucky to have documented my growth.

When I began this journey… I was very young and fresh, unsure of where I would land.  I was trying to figure out many things but I knew I wanted something grand.  Then, it was a man, one that could support me completely and lavish me with expensive things.  That was ultimate nirvana to me.  I was in school and although that was paid in full by my parents luxuries were hard to come by, so was freedom.  I yearned for freedom.  Being the wild child that I was, I found a way to be free, in way… through men.  Only now as I look back do I see a pattern of choosing unavailable men, specifically married men.  They really are the easiest sugar daddies.  Married men have another full and demanding life completely separate from me.  When we meet our interaction is meant to be light hearted fun, no heavy bullshit.  I love that, it makes me happy to know I am blessing someone’s life with love and positive energy and no bullshit.  In turn my bills are paid and I live in luxury.  Until it ends, as it always does.

Now…  I am a woman, a captain of my own ship.  I am completely in charge of any destiny I want to create and I am very aware of that.  The majority of my time is spent pursuing my dreams, independent of wealthy men.  Although I use my sexuality for personal gain in different way, I no longer chase accomplished men, they gravitate to me when I’m not looking and I usually turn them down.  I feel freer than I’ve ever felt, I feel in control.  Perhaps that’s what they admire, a woman who knows who she is and is unwilling to settle for less than she’s worth.   In these days of nsa relationships and pay for play arrangements that must be rare.

Thank you for the comments of concern about my last relationship.  It was a difficult time.  I wrote that post a while ago but only chose to publish it recently, after all the residual emotional effect was gone.  I’ve since gone on trips with The Asshole of the Century and our relationship has changed drastically, I’ll be sure to give him a more fitting name in the future.  It was only after spending several nights with him, in separate beds of course, that I was sure I no longer harbored feelings for him.  Now I only feel basic human compassion with a twinge of pity for him. “Staying together for the kids” is a rough position to be in.  His life is devoid of unbridled passion, and certainly he can continue to pursue but he will never have complete freedom with a woman that he truly loves because of his obligations.  I understand it, which doesn’t make his lies and deceit acceptable, but it does make him more humane in my eyes.  I want to see him happy, I carry no ill-will towards him.  And I sincerely hope he has learned from his wrong doings.

He wasted two and a half years of my life and didn’t think twice about it. His selfish inclinations have upped my guard and compounded my fear of commitment but I’m working through it.  I strive to learn from all my experiences and he provided an important lesson.  Never question your intuition, as a woman ours are stronger for a reason.  If you feel it, you must react.  Do not delay.  And never, ever, trust a man completely.

Pain is part of life, we learn most from our greatest struggles.  Emotionally, this was my greatest accomplishment, being able to truly forgive, move on, and grow.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The Asshole of the Century

7 comments
For more than two years I developed and nurtured an intimate relationship with a man I now consider the “Asshole of the Century.”  I’m not one to use insults lightly, his is well suited.  We met through mutual friends in a bustling bar.  At first, I gave him as much rope as I give any man.  Jaded by my experiences with Gino and countless others I hadn’t the ability to open myself up willingly.  But with time, he whittled at my efforts, building up a strong wind of persistence against my wall.  Brick by brick I came crumbling down.  He was much older and more experienced.  I was the lamb, one of many in his flock and I fell in love with him unexpectedly. 

Our roles changed, immediately and mercilessly.
My initial reaction was to run but eventually he caught up and overtook the resistant and nubile dove.  As they say, the chase is the most engaging part of the courtship.  I now know this to be true within men.

Once he caught me, I was so eager to believe everything he said that I neglected to pay attention to his actions.  I was in love.  The roles were reversed and I became the pursuer.  A role that I did not particularly enjoy.  Every word he uttered, I believed.  Even when I felt the pang of distrust, I brushed it to the recesses of my mind, eager to believe the fairy tale was true - I had found more than a sugar daddy, a soul mate that I could be with forever.
He gifted to me some of my most precious belongings.  Cars, jewelry, he took me on trips to 5 star resorts.  He was my personal genie, granting all that I wished.  And I loved him for it.  The lifestyle itself was worth sticking around for, but his love was an addiction.

The nagging voice within me could not be quieted, I questioned him, raising my concerns and insisting he fess up, “what’s really going on?” “I feel like you’re hiding something, what is it?”
In the face of my inquisition he held steady, quieting my fears with kisses and unbounded lavishness that pacified me for the time being.  Eventually my fantasy gave way to a reality I never wanted to exist.  Reality was that he was married and had a son.  In fact he had birthed another with his “ex wife” while we were together.

Though I had been suspicious all along, the news cut me like a knife.  For many months I had not the energy to breathe a word to him directly.  Pain consumed me. It ate me up till a point I could not look at another human of his sex in the eye.  And I let it, until I had had enough.  I wanted to feel light again, so I chose to let it go rather than hold it within me like a cancer continuously spreading.

Shortly after I began another relationship.  A rebound that ended, as all rebounds do, badly.
My process of internal healing began with a phone call from him… Up till then I had held his pain and schemed of ways to destroy his life like he did mine.   Would I report the relationship to his “wife”?  Would I pen a juicy story and submit it to the New York Times?  Granted his position and his power, there’s no doubt it would have settled on the first page and I would’ve been handsomely rewarded.

In the end I decided against seeking vengeance.  My inner voice spoke and swayed me from a position of attack to one of forgiveness and internal renewal.  We met in person to discuss his wrongs. 

Interestingly enough, he took my mercy as weakness.  As soon as the words of forgiveness left my lips, his were on mine, wanting and seeking the sexual relationship we once had.  I had immediate flashbacks to the numerous times I asked what it took to make him happy, he’d whisper “As long as you continue to fuck me good, I’ll be around, that’s what makes me happy.”  With his charming smile and wink, I was sure he was joking.  Only now am I sure of his sincerity, he was serious as a heart attack.  His only concern was for sweet young pussy and I was the one to supply it.

For the first time I saw him for what he was.  A pussy hungry man with a thirst for something to quench the desert of his unhappy marriage, someone as young and naive as me.  He was completely hopeless and grasping for anything he could catch.  Truly, pitifully sad.

Recently he has tried ardently to get in touch. Sending me gifts on Christmas, asking me to join him on trips and pursing me incessantly.  I have told him, in an earnest manner, that he has no chance.  The trust I once had in him  is now forever gone.  Yet I feel my words only propel him to do more.  As if I’m some sort of adolescent challenge.  At times I want to say “GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH A RUSTY POLE YOU BOTTOM FEEDING LEECH.”  But I hold my tongue, and my emotions.  Because he doesn’t deserve a reaction from me.  And partially… because somewhere deep inside I have feelings for him.

But he’s invited me on a trip for the umpteenth time and I’ve finally agreed to go… with baited breath I await.  The anticipation is nearly killing me.  Because although I’d like to think I’m strong enough to survive his antics, I fear I am not.  Within my heart there may still lay love for him… God help me.

Monday, September 20, 2010

The Love of my Life?

5 comments
So I’m up at 3 in the morning reflecting on the recent choices I’ve made regarding men.  Something shocking came to me out of absolutely nowhere, maybe Michael was my greatest love?  When I truly think about it I’ve been after material gain for 5+ years, the sugardaddy search is about acquiring things and living comfortably.  And I have. I’ve received property as gifts, and cars and jewelry but receiving luxuries in exchange for sex has left me feeling quite jaded and distrustful of men.  I’ve embarked on shallow relationships that padded my self worth but left my heart aching.

Michael was someone I could talk to about anything, he was like family.  I’ve since moved from the hometown I grew up in but the last time I visited we made plans to get together at a familiar haunt of ours.  One of the last posh lounges left standing post-recession. 

We caught up, he was single but I was still seeing The Asshole of the Century.  It felt just like old times, but he had packed on some pounds and I’ve never been drawn to pudgy.  It was getting late, me too tipsy to drive and his place, conveniently walking distance.  He offered his couch to crash on, and I obliged.   But when we arrived he got uncomfortably close and dove in for a kiss even after I’d swatted him off.  Eventually he gave up, passed out in his room with his dog, but not without a true-hearted confession, “Tiff, I have never felt the way I do with you with any other girl…  I compare all of them to you.”  The timing threw me off but upon reflection I must admit I feel exactly the same way…

After that night he dodged my calls and I haven’t spoken to him since.  Being immersed in the drama of my life as of late, I haven’t given him a second though till now.  I’ve decided to reach out to him again and re-spark our friendship, see where it goes, who knows?  Maybe he truly is the love of my life.

Monday, March 08, 2010

The Ultimate in Status -- Black AmEx

9 comments
She'sssss back!  My favorite highly sexually charged intellectual is blogging again.  Izzy of Sarong Party Girl has been updating her blog regularly, read about some of her escapades and become inspired.  I've added her link in the "Blogs I Read" section.

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I met BA (Black Amex) through a regular dating site.  I soon as I saw him I knew he was a liar.  In his profile he said he was 6 feet tall, yet as we stood side by side, I had over an inch on him.  I did have 4 inch heels on, but even with I shouldn't have flanked him.  But I kept an open mind, eager to give this "regular dating" thing a real shot.  We went to an upscale restaurant, my favorite in fact.  The first thing he did as we sat down was ask for the wine list and order the most expensive bottle of champagne.  Way to impress!  I knew this would be a good night.

We talked and got to know each other over dinner.  He came from a stable family and experienced a privileged lifestyle, not unlike myself.  During our conversation I did most of the talking, asking him questions about himself, otherwise it was dead air.  Being as it was my favorite restaurant, he requested I order for him and I obliged.  This was a rare situation, most men insist on ordering for me!  After dinner we toasted to the excellent meal with the last drops of champage.  It wasn't till after that, when I forgot to make a ladylike exit for the bathroom as the check came, that I noticed it.  The black card with platinum letters and numbers on it.  The unmistakeable symbol of status, peeking out from the corner of the black leather pay envelope, the Black AmEx.

I pretended not to see it.  After dinner we left the restaurant for a nightclub nearby.  As the night progressed, I got quite bored with him.  Texted friends and asked how I could make a polite exit from the date.  It was time to escape, despite the allure of the black amex.  Eventually I simply told him I was tired and as the gentleman he is he got up, paid the bill and walked me to my car.  Not before leaning in for a kiss, which by the way, left much to be desired.  I simply wasn't attracted to him.

I tried to give him some time, because he was a gentleman and the Black Amex didn't hurt.  But Alas, it simply wasn't meant to be, eventually I suggested we just be friends but he wasn't able to handle that.  So we have, or rather he has ended communications.  So be it.  My quest continues.  What a time we would've had with his card though!  Penthouse hotel suites, bottles in Vegas, every opulent experience you can imagine. It's just as well, I think I'm looking for something deeper and stronger than a credit card with a high limit.

Monday, March 01, 2010

Regs vs. Pots

5 comments
Luigi (aka Mr. iPhone) is tall, with all his hair and a thick accent.  Because he’s foreign, about half of our time is spent with me teaching him the correct way to say certain words and phrases.  Oy vey, I never knew teaching was in my future.  It feels too much like work!  After spending a few hours with him, my brain is literally tired from playing English teacher and a nap is necessary.

On one hand Luigi has shown a lot of promise.  He’s a married man with children who are no longer at home and is seriously contemplating a divorce.  I think it would've already occurred if it wasn't for his children and the hefty divorce settlement wifey is entitled to.

Today between meeting for dinner and chatting on the phone, we spent 6 hours in communication.  It’s not that I didn’t enjoy it but at the end of the day, what is he offering, is he worth this amount of attention?  True, on the first date he gave me an iphone because I said I loved it and would like to get one.  And yes, we do meet at only the best restaurants.  But I’m eager for an allowance to be a topic of conversation.  The Sugar Lifestyle has spoiled me; I expect allowances to be discussed on the first date and cash in my hand as a show of good intent.

Unfortunately, I met him on a regular dating site, despite his married status.  Being direct about an allowance will do me no good, it might even scare him.  In the past 4 years while he and his wife haven’t been intimate he has taken care of her and his children because they are his responsibilities.  He’s looking for a girlfriend, so I have faith he will take good care of me as he has done with them.

Luigi is rich.  He comes from a very wealthy family and has a penchant for beautiful things.  Luckily, unlike Jeffrey, he places a high value on substance as well.  I think I need to be a bit patient with this one.  I’ll give him a month and if I don’t see any improvement in the form of gifts and an allowance, I will introduce the allowance conversation myself.

:Sidebar:

A popular question is and always will be, how do you ask for help?
I’m not shy, I continuously throw out hints of things I need or places I would like to visit.
Since Luigi is a reg (regular guy from a regular dating site) and not a pot (potential sugardaddy from a sugardaddy site).  The conversations are slightly different.  In the beginning we date like any other couple.  We dine at fine restaurants, spend quality time, get to know each other well and figure out where we fit in each other’s lives.

While we’re dating, I’ll throw out comments to gauge his ability to respond to my needs;

“My car is in the shop, and I have no idea how to pay for it.”

“I love XXX in the summertime, there’s nothing like skinny dipping in the ocean.”

“I’ve always wanted XXX, but could never afford it.”

If he responds positively by getting me what I need, then he gets to stick around.  As with the sugar daddies, no sex until I begin to receive some sort of help.  I think of it as breaking him in.

Your interest can’t be his money alone, otherwise he will feel used.  I am truly in the market for a boyfriend and potentially a husband.  Relationships take time to grow, especially without the mutually beneficial protocols of a SD/SB relationship.

:End of Sidebar:

As I get older I’m starting to see the power of being a woman.  I’m not afraid to get up and walk away from someone who is clearly not deserving of my time.

We are in charge; most of us just don’t know it yet.  A beautiful woman can get a man to eat out of her __________. You fill in the blank.  If we can do that, getting him to buy a Vuitton or pay rent is nothing.  The trick is to always date men with money.  And the ultimate goal is to marry a man with loads of it, whose parents have even more!  Happy hunting ladies.