It's SO Over

I feel like a different person when I'm with Gino. Almost as if I'm trying to be someone I'm not. Someone I desire to be. Very polite, considerate and submissive. A daughter my Mother would be proud of.

I no longer want to be her.
I want to shine brilliantly with unbriddled sensuality and deviant behavior-like I used to. I feel way too safe with him. I yearn to throw all caution to the wind again. Truely experience life, raw energy and passion.

It's so over.
We're both different now. We still don't talk but I noticed a condom missing from his 3-pack box. When I brought up the issue, he said it rolled under the couch, the box did. That's where he found it. And that's where the missing rubber must be.

I'm far from stupid. Before excusing myself from his house I said "Listen, if you're seeing someone else I really don't mind but I'm not going to compete for your attention."
Once more he reassured me, and still, I don't believe a word of it. You see I trust my instincts completely. And they tell me he's a stinking liar.
After 3 breakups and makeups I can't help but wonder what he thinks when I stop calling him for two months and text him saying I want to fuck, what goes through his mind?
Does he think I'm crazy, a nympho, confused, exciting? I do wonder.
I think I'm crazy.

At least he didn't break my heart again. The pieces are too many to put back together. This reunion was brought about solely from my need to fuck. Thank God I don't feel like I need him this time.
It's over.