Saturday, August 12, 2006

Torn

MM has been very good to me, but still I want more.. perhaps more than he can give. More sex, more passion, more money.
I don't feel like I'm running from my current "relationship" with MM, I'm trying to be very realistic by acknowledging it may not last. Maybe this is some sort of pattern though, considering ending things before it runs its full course. Despite my commitment phobia we are growing and we've even talked very briefly about marriage. Will he ask if and when he is divorced? I'm not sure, but he has thought about it. Will I say yes if he does ask? I can't say that I won't. Saying yes would be very practical, I wouldn't worry about a thing for the rest of my life, besides making him happy. But saying yes would close a door that leads to butterflies in my stomach, lust in my heart and an ache deep inside me. I don't feel these things for MM. With him I feel safe, comfortable and eager to please. When we have sex it leaves me satisfied, but not blown away and begging for more.

So I hesitate. Shall I forego what I believe may be my calling for a more acceptable role in society? Or kill this love-lust and follow my pipe dreams?

It's here so soon, another fork in the road.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hmmm. I have a feeling you're a very ambitious and stylish young lady.

You are aware that if MM does get divorced, not only will he lose half (or more) of his assets, the PIs will probably be snooping for all recent expenses where money has gone. These people are called "forensic" auditors. Just make sure you hide your tracks very well.

As far as being a high-end girl, study it well before making the jump into the deep-end. It's very lucrative (easily 6-7 figures annually if done correctly), but there's also many things to watch out for. Many things. The ones who do the best are UTR and have 3-4 patron saints, and don't advertise.


xoxo
Alex

Scarlet said...

Alex is, as usual - perceptive and helpful. I wonder if he could serve as a mentor in your quest to cultivate a number of more boundaried fiscal relationships. I've noticed, since your inception ,that your posts have gained depth, and you have gained some humanity. We're rooting for your happiness...
Scarlet