Marco II

My plan backfired, Marco hasn't called me back. He's either more stubborn than I thought or he doesn't plan to call at all. I cannot say I'm not disappointed. My imagination painted a vivid picture of lazy summer nights, yacht parties and adventurous trips to faraway places.
I left him a message wishing him the best, closure is a must for me.

I really liked Marco. Mostly for his accent and the tentative plans we made, but he also made me feel safe. I can count the number of people I trust on one hand, trust is a gift I'm reluctant to give. After being sheltered and naive for most of my life, I learned that the hard way from Joe.

Joe was my 29 year old boyfriend when I was 17. He was built like a quarterback and had two successful businesses. When we first started dating he was the man I dreamt of. He brought me breakfast from my favorite restaurant and gave me whatever I wanted whenever I wanted it. Then things started to move fast, very fast. He said he always wanted to have a baby boy and he wanted me to have it. I began to think that he was "the one" but was I ready for a child?? I told him that I would like to finish college at the very least, before having any children.

That was when things took an ugly turn. It started one night when we were on our way to dinner. I was chattering about something or the other and hardly noticed him staring at the tongue ring I've had since I met him. He pulled over and wound down the window making me remove my tongue ring and throw it out. "Only sluts wear tongue rings" he said with disgust dripping from his voice. From then on he would constantly berate me, calling me stupid and criticizing every decision I made.

Then the hitting started. He wanted me to run an errand for him and swing by the office. I said no, I had homework and a test to study for. He pleaded and eventually I caved. I walked to the back office with a smile, expecting gratitude and thanks. Instead he had me sit on his lap and kissed me, then with no warning he flipped me over, pinning me down and started hitting me on my ass very very hard. This was not a spanking this was assault, I couldn't sit for two days. In the next few months it escalated to backhanded slaps and hickies that hurt. I just couldn't take it anymore so I broke things off. He called me at least 20 times a day, begging me to see him for just five minutes. "Five minutes?" I thought. No problem. He picked me up and practically kidnaped me, taking me far away from my house. He wanted to explain himself. But why here?

I waited for his apology while we were sitting in the car, he looked like he was thinking about what to say. Without a word he took out a gun and started imaginary target practice on a tree behind me, aiming dangerously close to my head. "Relax, the gun isn't loaded" he said. Just then it went off with a loud boom in my left ear. "Oh shit" he said. Oh shit is right, the bullet barely grazed my ear and settled into the trunk of the tree. He said he didn't mean to, he didn't know the gun was loaded but if the bullet would have hit me, he would have dumped my body in a nearby lake all the same.
By now I was scared shitless and more than ready to go home. With every ounce of self esteem and strength left in me I demanded that he take me home. I should have known better, Joe hates when people tell him what to do. He slammed my head into the passenger side window and said "What the fuck are you going to do if I don't?" then laughed. I gritted my teeth and tried not cry. Five minutes later he started the car and when we got to my house I walked out without looking back. I put a bandaid on my ear and never told a soul about what happened that day. Joe called me regularly for the next two years. I never answered.

I could not trust another man until Michael. He has helped me to trust again and grow into the person that I am now.