The Ballet

So you ask, what happened to Jeffrey?

We arrived early enough to have dinner nearby. Interestingly enough, he invited his uncle and several couples to keep us company. As if he was avoiding one on one time with me. During the ballet he was a bit awkward, something I did not expect in the least. Jeffrey has the reputation of Casanova. He is known for bedding hard to attain women. But based on his actions that evening I think his bark is much worse than his bite. After the ballet we spent time with mutual friends and it could have become one of his raging rockstar fests but I left before the the hammer dropped.

I haven't heard from him since the ballet but I am kept fully abreast, by mutual friends, of his escapades. I am also completely confident that he will reach out in due time because I'm that girl he's never had. Even though he's taking a back seat, he will always want what he can't have.

I sense that Jeffrey, although bright and powerful in his own way, has an inferiority complex, this moment of time in his life is about coveting and capturing beautiful things. Beautiful models with no personality, beautiful artwork with no story or past. He covets aesthetic artistic perfection. He embraces cliches that meet his standards. He expects the best and nothing contradicts his opinion.

There is no depth, no intrinsic je ne sais quoi quality that causes me to lose my breath.

Jeffrey is all about money, what everything looks like and what everything costs. It bores me terribly. I prefer captains of industry that take life on as a challenge. As a game. Men that think anything is possible and create their own reality with each step. I feel that is lacking from the "privileged" men I meet. Though I refer to myself as privileged, I have never had a trust. But I know people who don't know any other lifestyle and they are always miserable. It's very interesting, I don't think money makes life more fulfilling.

It forces you to shrink people and situations, count favors and tally debts until you feel you've been compensated. I now feel the more money you have the more concern you have for people taking it from you. What a waste of time. I'd much rather be full of life and adventure, be a trailblazer, making my own way, living life as I saw fit and bearing the brunt of it all than living a life of nickle and dimes, how about you?